So I just happened to read my last entry, expressing my sorrow and hope for the Winter Break.  Wanted to update:

I'm back at school now.  Winter break is over.  And it was magical and wonderful and more than I hoped it would be.  :)  

Love came.  Love went.  But love never really goes away.

And I spent lots of time with my family-friends, ghost-hunting and exercising, drinking coffee and geocaching.  It was a good winter.

And now I'm back at school.  And it's been a great semester so far.  I'm much more centered, in-the-moment, and happy. 

So, reminder to myself for when I'm sad and going through hard times:  They get better again.  Better than before.  

So it's 5:30am.  I have to wake up at 9:30am.  Then somehow find time to write a paper, finish reading this awesome Murakami book, watch Ikiru, go to class, write another paper, and go to class again to take a final.  Then I have work.  Oh, caffeine, please don't fail me now.

But, all that said and done, the semester is over.  In four days I'll be in Raleigh again.  It looks like it won't be the Winter Break I've been dreaming of all semester.  It won't be summer again, with coffee, pool, and geocaching.  But maybe it can be something even better.

I've been re-connecting with some estranged friends.  Amber and I are hanging out again, and it looks like Chelsea and I will have some girl time as well.  Since those friendships meant and mean a lot to me, I'm looking forward to rekindling.  Plus I get to spend some time with not-so-estranged friends, like Greg and John and my cousin Jack.  Old friends are good.  We have holiday parties in the works, and I'm really looking forward to a cozy Christmas with my family-type friends, the people who, for better or for worse, have been a part of my life for many years now.

So another semester is over.  Just two left. 

It could be the lack of sleep + caffeine overdosing, but I feel strangely nostalgic.  I'm coming back home -- again.  I'll see old friends and new.  I'll have coffee dates at Third Place.  Life isn't perfect right now, but I'm where I need to be, and I have happiness.  And I can feel good things coming in on the wind.  Love is everywhere.  I can feel it.

I just wrote this story.  It's one I've been wanting to write for a long time.   It's a rough draft, so I'm looking for feedback and advice.  I'm considering adding more to the story, like writing the same major event from different perspectives.  Perhaps one from the pilot, and one from another person in the city.  Then I'd connect them together in a short story, which is a series of "Flash fiction" entitled Flash, which I think fits with the theme of the story.  Any advice is welcome and appreciated!



      The clicking of Hisako’s heels on the sidewalk sounded like the ticks of a clock.  I’m late, she thought, and with each step I’m reminded how quickly time passes.  There goes one moment—click—and another.  If I don’t hurry, he’ll know something’s wrong.  He’ll find out where I’ve really been.
( Read more.... )

Briefly:

Amy, Laura, Wes, Melissa, and I conducted the first UNCA "Smile!" project last Friday. It went overwhelmingly well. A few additions have been made to the 'original' project as conducted by Uggets, Go Ugg on the roadtrip.

Laura began painting lots of miniature signs. They have great variety and tons of creativity. They're colorful; some have scenes of mountains or flowers, and they all say "Smile!" We passed them out to people who wanted them. We hand-painted 35 of them, which I erroneously thought would be WAY TOO MANY. But no... we ran out of them extremely quickly, as people wanted to be involved, too! The small signs also had the Get Up and Go logo and a list of small random acts of kindness that could be done by individuals. And they all said: "Peace begins with a smile. - Mother Theresa."

I found out today from my friend Griffin that news of our smiles spread all the way to a middle school, where he tutors kids. He said the kids came in, super pumped up about visiting UNCA, where people were carrying around signs that said "Smile!" He said they were very excited about it, and he smiled because he knew it was our group who was doing it that day. :) So I'm excited that, unbeknownst to us, our efforts spread out into the Asheville community!

Yay! I wonder how much further this project--and other, past smile projects--have spread... without us ever realizing. :)

So go do a good deed, people! No matter how small, it seems the ripples may go further than you realize.

So I decided I wanted to do a random nice thing for my friends. I went to Ingles and bought some flowers, then wrote sweet notes about friendship and taped a note and a flower to all my friend's doors. I got Melissa to help me. We were SO ninja!

But anyways, when I was at Ingles, I picked up a bundle of yellow flowers. It looked like from that alone I'd definitely have enough to go around. But then I saw some very pretty lavender tulips. They just seemed to be calling to me, and they were only $2.00. I figured, why not? I can always use extra and give flowers to my teachers, too! So I picked up both bundles.

Something funny happens when you carry flowers. People just smile at you. Like you're special just because you have flowers. Maybe they can tell you're about to give them to somebody special, and they're smiling at the thought of such kindness. So everyone was smiling at me.

When I got to the register, an old lady got in line behind me as I was being rung up. "What pretty flowers!" she said to me.

"Oh, thank you," I said, smiling.

"Do you have purple in your home somewhere?"

"Oh, they're not for me!" I answered.

Now, I'd already decided that I wanted to give her a flower even before she commented. So I gathered up my good deed courage and turned to her before I left. I broke a purple tulip off for her.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh, dear," she smiled, "You didn't know this, but... When I came in to the store I had wanted to somehow get just one flower because it's my husband's birthday today...."

Of course, at this point I'm certain the universe pulled me to buy those purple flowers just so I would have the opportunity to give one to this nice lady. So I broke off another flower for her and said, "Here. One for you and your husband."

She smiled so big. "Dear, I feel like I've known you my whole life! Thank you!" And she gave me a hug right there in the aisle.

I drove home with tears in my eyes, thanking the universe for giving me the chance to do something so nice.

Thought for the day, on good deeds and saving the world and stuff. Sort of brought down my delusions of saving the world in a grandiose way.

"In the greater scheme or the big picture, nothing we do matters. There’s no grand plan, no big win…. And if there is no great glorious end to all this--if nothing we do matters--then all that matters is what we do. Because that’s all there is: What we do, now, today. If there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world." - Angel, "Epiphany"

If there's no God, no eternal life, no rewards, no universal code of ethics, no heaven, no nirvana, no superheroes, no need to save the entire world, but instead only this very moment and what we do with it... hmm, it changes my perspective a little bit.

Also, I'm moving to Asheville on Wednesday. Goodbye, Raleigh-folk.

A friend of mine just posted an article in which Dumbledore's sexual orientation is revealed by J.K. Rowling--as well as many other spoilers that happen AFTER book 7!

She apparently received a standing ovation when announcing Dumbledore's orientation and his love interest: Grindelwald. I think this further explains Dumbledore's blindness when it came to Grindelwald's evil. We all get kind of wacky when we're in love--even Dumbledore.

Here's the article!

http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/2007/10/20/j-k-rowling-at-carnegie-hall-reveals-dumbledore-is-gay-neville-marries-hannah-abbott-and-scores-more

Always a good cat.

Smokey, my kitty and companion of 18 years, passed away today. He was an amazing soul, always kind and protective. He was a very good friend. I've known him for most of my life. But today we had to say goodbye.

Please send a kind thought, or a prayer, or a wish out to the universe, so he can hear it as he passes through.

"Do not be dismayed by goodbyes. A goodbye is necessary for meeting again. And meeting again is certain for those who are friends." - Richard Bach

I love you, Smokey. You are my friend.

A quick rundown of my adventures:

- Spur-of-the-moment weekend trip to D.C. to see a concert and explore the town. Flogging Molly was awesome. Jigs are awesome. Moshing is scary. Learned that I could travel and have awesome adventures with just some friends. :)

- St. Patty's Day. Me, Chelsea, Paul, Mike, and Justin running around downtown Raleigh finding concerts and getting lost.

- Carborro day-trip with Chelsea. Just explored, got coffee, had dinner, and looked at art.

- Daytrip to Boone with Chelsea, Paul, Jack, and John, who lives in Boone. Lots of hiking, climbing on rocks, and mountain fun.

- Flirted with Josh Groban. How unexpected is THAT?

- Decemberist concert. Rocked out, went on stage and sang and danced with the Decemberists. r0x0rz!

- Boxbomb and He is Legend concert in Carborro! More day-trips and rocking out!

- Asheville trip for camping and checking out my future hometown (if all goes well). Mountain fun again!

- Smile! project with Chelsea, Jack, and Paul at the flea market! Also "Free Hugs!"

- Lots of midnight runs around Shelly Lake and coffee shop hijinx.

- Lots of skateboarding with Paul. :)



Yes... this has been my month. Traveling, concerts, and adventures. I haven't had such an exciting month in a long time! I haven't updated much, though I've had so much to say. I've just been so busy. I'm so happy to finally have a group of friends that loves to get together and do stuff, a group of people that care about each other and have fun together and that I can rely on and even do good deed projects with!

Thanks, everyone, for sharing such an awesome month with me! Let's keep it going through summer, yah?

So... a month or so ago I heard back from a publishing company who wants one of my short stories for their collection of fantasy works. ^_^* A few people asked if they could read it, and I said yes, after I editted it some. This is by no means the final, polished draft; however, it's been editted a bit and I feel comfortable sharing it. I hope you guys will give me some good feedback! :)

-----------------------------

Life as We Know It

Crouched in the narrow embrace of a dim alley, the vagabond quietly guarded her new treasure: A full can of black beans. It was sealed, so it was likely the beans were still fresh. Her last meal, a few days ago, had been partially spoiled. Hungry, she had eaten the spoiled parts as well and gotten sick. The food did her no good if her body rejected it.

Above her, the vagabond saw the moonlight and stars pouring light into the city. She prefered it here in the shadows, where tall buildings flanked her like bodyguards and darkness covered her eyes so she could see no evil. However, it was cold tonight and she needed to find shelter. Silently, the vagabond swept out of the alley, scanned the street for danger, and hurried through the moonlight.

She walked down the empty street, each footfall echoing awkwardly in the quiet. There were no cars, no stray people stumbling home after a wild night on the town. There was nobody in this city except the vagabond, and she had been alone for a long time.

“Lost in a world of monsters.” The vagabond was bleak as the words formed on her lips, “I had hoped we were stronger than this.” Humanity wasn’t stronger, though—wasn’t strong enough to hold its ground against the subtle invasion of the beasts. The vagabond, who couldn’t even remember her own name, could barely remember a time when humans thrived. Once, people walked this very street. They laughed and quarreled and struggled through daily life; each night they had returned to a small cluster they called “family.” She had been young when the changes began. It was so gradual that most people didn’t see it coming. Small things began to seem out of place, such as the increasing number of missing person’s reports and the slight raise in violent attacks. Soon dozens--then hundreds—of people began to disappear over night. That was when the beasts began to appear.

At first the beasts were only shadows, creeping along behind everything the humans did. The vagabond had noticed these shadows immediately and was horrified. But worse, however, was that nobody else had seemed to notice. Slowly, as more humans disappeared, the beasts stopped skulking around in the shadows and made their presence known. The humans surrendered and settled into small pockets of civilization. Many local survivors stayed in an area called The Park, the last remaining human refuge in Northeastern America. The majority of people, however, had been devoured by tge beasts. When her city fell, the vagabond alone had stayed behind.

Now, she lived like a hermit in the midst of the new beast kingdom. In one hand the vagabond cradled her precious blackbeans; with the other hand, however, she clutched the hilt of an old sword she’d once stolen from a rundown shop. “This sword,” she whispered, “Will bring down the beasts and let all of us return to our homes.” Even if the rest of humanity was too cowardly to stand against the evil, the vagabond would stand, at least, as a pillar proving that human-kind had once lived, where now only the mindless apathy of the beasts thrived.

Distracted by her thoughts, the vagabond failed to notice the slippery black beast dangling from a broken streetlamp just above her heard. She felt a tingly dampness on her left shoulder and looked up just in time to watch the creature slide around her neck. Startled, she dropped her can of beans and grasped the creature. Furious with herself for letting her guard down and losing her meal, she tried to bash the serpant with her sword, but its vantage point on her neck made it a hard target. The snake coiled tighter, and the vagabond felt her fingers slide helplessly along the beast’s slippery skin as she watched her precious can of beans roll into the gutter.

“Katrina!” shouted a familiar voice.

The vagabond, freed suddenly from the leash-like beast, turned her head to watch her friend approach. “Sarah!” she gasped. The snake vanished, as beasts always did in another human’s presence. Beasts only attacked a human that was alone and vulnerable. The realization made the vagabond a little bitter—if only humanity had stood together the beasts never could have taken us down, she thought. But, for the moment, her dear friend was standing beside her, and she couldn’t bring herself to feel as angry as usual. “What are you doing out here?”

“It’s almost sunrise,” Sarah responded, “I thought I’d get some snow cream! It snowed the other day, and the vendor added sugar. It’s delicious; you should try some.”

The vagabond looked around, surprised. She hadn’t realized how close to the Park she was! “I could use the company,” she said, smiling a bit. The loneliness, along with the beasts, had disappeared. Still, she battled to keep her defenses up, just in case any monsters should return. Slowly, though, the absence of fear made her guarded mind go limp, and all previous notions of humanity and life evaporated in the sunshine Sarah brought with her presence. Finally, she simply relished the moment. She didn’t even notice her sword had faded as well.

The Park was alive with laughter as the pair strolled through its gates, holding small bowls of sugary snow cream. One source of the laughter was a group of small children, who fluttered about like fairies in the wind. The sound was so innocent, so pure, that the vagabond found herself longing to harmonize. As she watched them, one brave youth, a little boy with windblown hair and the naïve smile only a child could express, approached her. His cupped hands were closed around something. After a moment of nervous hesitation, he opened his hands to offer the vagabond a gift. She accepted his gift, a small pebble, and watched him bound triumphantly back to his waiting friends. Hope quivered in the vagabond’s heart. The beasts have not touched here, she thought.

“Found yourself a new boyfriend, eh?” laughed Sarah.

“I wish more men were as sweet as him,” responded the vagabond, imagining a romantic prince coming to rescue her from this shadowy world. She didn’t smile.

“You seem a little out of it, Katrina. What’s wrong today?”

“Lost in a world of monsters….” She began, putting her most pressing thoughts into words.

Sarah interrupted gently, “There are no monsters here, Kat.”

“That isn’t my name. We don’t know my name,” grumbled the vagabond, “And just because you don’t see any monsters around here doesn’t mean they aren’t out there. You’re just covering your eyes and ears and shouting ‘la la la!’ like all the rest of humanity, and that’s why they’re winning!”

Sarah looked hurt. “Look, Kat, I’m just trying to help you. I’m happy here, and so is everyone else. Even you’re happy whenever you come visit here! I think by being positive and happy I’m doing what I can for humanity. It’s better than running around in the city with a death wish!”

The vagabond sighed. Months of loneliness had made her eager to talk to someone, even at the cost of dropping the emotional wall she’d built to keep her sane while living among monsters. “I know it sounds insane,” she started, hoping to prepare her friend for the wild story she was about to share, “But there are beasts out there.”

“Beasts?”

“Yes. Monsters. Dark creatures that have completely invaded the city—and the rest of the world for that matter.” The vagabond felt as if she were simply telling a horror story around a campfire. Despair bit her heart, though, reminding her that the terror was real.

Sarah’s tone was wavy with doubt. “I don’t see any monsters, Katrina.”

Such innocence, thought the vagabond. “You live too close to the Park. One of the last preservations of human life.”

“I see.” Sarah’s voice was dull, like she was only half listening.

“But I wander, Sarah. I’ve seen them. They haunt me in my dreams and while I’m awake. They’re like corpses clinging to my back, always there to snatch me up when I turn around.”

“It sounds scary,” droned Sarah.

“It is,” said the vagabond, frowning. “It’s terrifying. And lonely.”

“So why bother staying out there in the city alone?” asked Sarah.

“Because somebody has to,” she answered with conviction in her tone, “We can’t all hide away or soon they’ll come into the Park, too.”

Sarah’s expression changed then. She stopped smiling, and her eyes searched the vagabond’s face for traces of lies and doubt. The vagabond chained her gaze to Sarah’s and prayed silently: Believe me. Don’t make me fight alone anymore.

The moment broke. “You almost had me, Kat!” laughed Sarah, “I really was almost convinced! Wow!”

The vagabond just smiled falsely in return and the conversation shifted onto happier topics. At least, for now, she could stay in the Park and pretend to be normal and enjoy a small break from the beasts. Even here, though, surrounded by what was left of humanity, she knew she was still alone. Humanity was not as strong as she had hoped.

Still, sitting beside her friend, the cool breeze lifting her hair from her shoulders, she couldn’t help but doubt her own conclusions. Perhaps she was wrong. Perhaps there were no beasts. Maybe she was just crazy. She could stay here, after all, right? Her gaze drifted casually around the Park, still bright and filled with beauty. This was life. Laughter. Sunlight. Families.
In fact, she enjoyed herself so much that the day passed without her noticing, and soon the vagabond noticed that the sun was setting, like a firey stone of anxiety nestling into her stomach. She’d have to venture back into the city tonight and find shelter in the dark.

“Well, it’s been interesting as always, Kat, but I have to go home for dinner,” said Sarah.

The vagabond nodded, smiling, “I enjoyed it. We’ll have to hang out again soon, Sarah.”

“Sure thing! See you later!” Sarah waved over her shoulder as she disappeared over a grassy hill.

The vagabond walked through the Park towards the gate. Relief lightened her step. No corpse clung to her back; no shadows circled her head. Surrounded by happy families and hooting children, she felt warm and protected. She was embraced by humanity. She was no longer lonely.

But as she left the Park, the humans became scarce. One by one they vanished. A familiar chill crept up her spine; she could feel bony fingers closing around her neck. It was the cold cloak of death, and the vagabond realized she had never really unclasped it. One uneasy glance around the perimeter of the area and her fears returned. The beasts had resumed control. She drew her sword, preparing for potential battles. It felt arduous in her weary grasp.

She wandered, like so many heroes of epic fantasy tales, through a man-made landscape. Skyscrapers rose and fell beside her like a modern mountain range. The sewer grates led to mighty rivers, flowing beneath the city streets. Instead of forests, shattered streetlamps grew from the pavement. There were no more cars, but the fumes of burning gas lingered in the air. She clutched her sword and tugged the hood of her jacket. Mordor had nothing on this city.

Her boots made no sound, landing smoothly on the ground before her. She was almost at the city limits, where abandoned houses offered sanctuary. She was almost afraid to return, for darkness descenced closest t o places of refuge. She shot a transient glance around a corner. Twlight cast an eerie glow, and lumbering silhouettes emitted low growling noises. Inhaling sharply, she obeyed the reckless decision to bolt toward a nearby house. Footsteps and heavy breathing surrounded her. Momentarily startled by the sound, her step wavered, but she quickly recognized the noise as her own.

Relief warmed her cheeks; the front door was mere yards away. Just as she was about to enter, she felt breath pounding like heated hammers on her back. She lifted her sword and turned to see a gargantuan beast looming over her. Its black spiral of scales wrapped the house, like an anaconda crushing its prey. Fear froze the vagabond’s feet to the ground, her eyes wide. The creature blasted her with another smoldering roar. The heat and stinch filled her nose and stung her eyes. She screamed—not a scream of horror or a plea for help, no. She screamed a war-torn cry of rage, not at the beast, but at all of humanity for not being here to support her.

She beast drew back, as if burned by the hell-hot aura of hatred surrounding the vagabond. The vagabond, seeing this new advantage, jabbed the point of her blade towards the heart of the creature; however, it regained its senses just in time and avoided death.

“Come back here, you!” growled the vagabond, anger filling her with confidence—or foolishness. “How dare you think you can attack here?” Her voice was tight with rage. The beast lifted its head high above the house, revealing its true supremacy. The vagabond took a step back, gaze raised to meet the dragon’s eyes. “This is my home!” she howled.

A blow from behind brought her to her knees. Pain reverberated through her aching skull, and she blinked as searing flashes of red stung her eyes. She slumped forward, too weak to catch herself. Fog wafted through her mind, distorting her ability to think. Hazily, she rolled onto her back.

The beast, apparently realizing its prey was still alive, began to charge her again. There was little time to react. She pulled herself to her feet, hilt of the sword still strong in her grip. The vagabond lifted it and drove her blade into the creature’s gut. A mournful wail split the sky.

The beast fell over, then, spilling bowel onto the sidewalk. Through the gaping slash, a human hand reached from inside the beast. Shock seized the vagabond’s breath. She scrambled to take the hand, the pull the human out from inside the beast.

“I’m coming! Hold on!” she gasped, her voice husky and inhuman, as she grabbed at the human outstretched hand. It turned to slime in her strong grasp. The vagabond jerked away, violently wiping the melted flesh off in the grass. Wide-eyed and reeling, she realized: The arm was partially digested.

The beasts had been devouring and digesting humans.
The vagabond’s mind shut off then. She scrambled onto the porch and desperately pushed the front door open. There, she crouched in the darkness of the living room and regained her senses.

Still shaken, she found a small, dark bedroom and tucked herself beneath the covers. She lay in the quiet for hours, a child afraid of the creatures behind her closet door. I’m tired of facing this world alone, she thought. I just want to stay here in bed and be safe. I had hoped humanity was strong enough to defeat the beasts. I even hoped that I alone would be strong enough. But I’m not and I just want to stay in bed.

She stayed in bed until a pinprick pain in her hip forced her to sit up. The pain was small, precise, and obnoxious, like a little voice whispering something you don’t want to hear. When she reached down to examine the source of the annoyance, she found a small pebble in her pocket—the little boy’s gift.

Passion struck her like a sweltering blow to the stomach. “I am strong enough!”
she said aloud, confirming her thoughts and making them real. “ I refuse to live in fear. I refuse to let these monsters destroy me.” A blaze of fury ignited her heart. “I will take back what belongs to me.”

Her sword silently allowed itself to be pulled from her scabbard. A soft gasp broke the silence, though, when she saw her reflection in the blade. She had become a beast; she was one of them.

“Paranoid much?” she scoffed. Still, she checked herself in the bathroom mirror, just to make certain. No beast. “Today, I will destroy this fear forever,” she told herself.

The vagabond stepped out of her house, eyes narrowed with the intensity of a woman with a mission. She never lowered her sword, but kept the point at eye-level, ready to strike on a whim. “Cowards!” she called, “Sick, twisted, arrogant monsters! Where are you now?” Her voice resonated down the empty neighborhood street, the only proof that life existed in the eerie stillness.

She stopped, tilting her head into the wind. Yes. You’re near. Come to me. A low growl riding on the breeze became more pronounced. Come. The heat of moving flesh brought the taste of bloodlust to her lips. Come. Cruel eyes cut into her soul. Come. Fangs of death clamped down on the her sword. Suddenly, she parried and flashed outward with her bitter blade. She turned away from its faint whimpers, its soft pleas for help.
Die, her mind whispered as tears blinded her. Die and leave me be. I will never be happy as long as you live. She felt her insides ignite; her human heart decaying. Die. Let the real humans breathe again. The vagabond shook her hed slowly, clutching her sword tight between her palms. She looked into the blade and saw the face of a beast.

Trembling uncontrollably, she dropped her sword to the ground. It clamored against the pavement then dissolved into the earth. When it did, she felt a gentle touch cool the fire in her heart. If hatred is instinct, how will I overcome?

Again she turned, this time to face the fallen creature. She blinked, clearing her vision, and knelt beside it. Compassion healed her wounded mind. Extending a small, fragile, human hand, she began to stroke the animal. “I’m sorry,” she choked. Its body vibrated beneath her touch as it uttered a low growl of gratitude. For a moment, she almost thoughts she saw the human in the beast. The wounded creature stood and turned to go.

The vagabond smiled. “So the monsters can’t be destroyed, only tamed.” Her voice was wavy. “How could I believe such beasts could be killed by my sword?” She closed her eyes, enjoying the breeze on her face, the same breeze she’d felt in the Park. “But they can be tamed. Humanity can live here.”

The vagabond rose to her feet and began to make her way down the street towards the Park, where, she hoped, Sarah would be waiting and willing to share some snow cream.

'Tis the season to want stuff. Here's what I want:

Art Stuff-

Prismacolor pencils set. I need these badly so I can do art again.

Cooking Stuff-

Pots and Pans without teflon. Just metal.
Wooden spoons
Water purifier for sink
Vegan cookbooks
Gift certificate to Whole Foods or Trader Joe's
Giftbasket from http://www.veganstore.com/

Fun Stuff-

Vision of Escaflowne box set
Nintendo Wii (yeah, like that's gonna happen)
Zelda Twilight Princess for Game Cube
Megatokyo Black and White Miho blanket http://www.megagear.com/category_s/3.htm
Chronicles of Narnia DVD

More stuff if I remember...

So a few weeks ago I sent in one of my older fantasy stories to a publishing company for consideration to be in their upcoming fantasy anthology. I got a response from the editor today. Amazingly enough, it wasn't a rejection!

Many writers who attempt to publish their work are familiar with the rejection letter. -.-; However, this editor, who seems to be a very lovely person, said that she truly enjoyed my story and she wants to put it through a hardcore editting process. This is awesome news for me! The story is one that I wrote a few years ago and always had a soft spot for; however, it always did seem just a little off. It was still a good story, but I always felt that it could somehow convey the theme just a little more strongly. Perhaps with her professional editting, and some more writing on my end, it now can!

She's going to edit it for me and send me the revisions. It will most likely end up in their anthology, as whole and complete as it was meant to be, and I will have cash in my pocket and an anthology with my work on my table. :)

Stories always had the power to change my perspective on life, help me learn new things, and make me a more compassionate person. I hope my story will help change the world. And I hope I can continue down this path, using my words and actions to make a difference. This is one way I've always wanted to do it. :)

I think I'm going to do it.

I've always, always admired vegans for doing what I could not. But now I realize that I can also do it. I barely eat eggs, barely eat dairy anyways. I live off fruit, veggies, GREEN veggies, beans, nuts, hummus, and tea.

I won't rush into it. I'll start slowly. But I think I can do it. It doesn't seem like too far of a leap from vegetarian to vegan. :)

Wish me peace, love, and luck!

So, I'm once again in need of some relationship advice. Maybe some of you out there have had similar experiences and can let me in on some secrets of what happens to a relationship after the initial passion starts to fade and day to day life takes over.

They're small things, really. But all the small things used to add up to a truly spectacular level of passion. Now, those small things have been put aside.

When Kieran and I first began dating, we were disgusting and sappy. We were snuggly and kissy without fear of what others thought. At random intervals through out the day we'd find ourselves thinking of each other and to let those thoughts out, we'd post sweet messages for each other all over myspace. We'd send each other at least five text messages a day. We'd sit around wondering when we could see each other again. Most important, we expressed how much we loved each other. If Kieran missed me, he'd send me a text message asking, "When can I hold you again?" He'd pick me small flowers and bring them when he visited. He'd *always*, without fail, tell me how beautiful I looked when he first saw me. And we never failed to tell each other how happy we were, and how lucky we felt, and how wonderful the other person was.

I could see in all of his actions how happy he was to be with me.

Small things, really. Little notes, small gifts, kind words. Expressions of the deep passion we felt.

Now, it's slowly stopped. At first, I freaked out about it. I'd get upset every time a day passed and I recieved NO notes, no texts, no IMs... I was depressed because I felt like these were signs he wasn't thinking about me or didn't love me as much.

And it caused quite a few fights. Now, however, I've learned to accept that, whether or not he sends me a text message, Kieran still loves me and is still thinking about me. So I don't bother him about it anymore. For the most part, I've forgotten all about it.

But sometimes I'll see the myspace of another couple, filled with sweet comments about how much in love they are, and I'll wonder why we stopped. I mean, I know, Kieran is very busy with school. He's stressed out. Text messages cost money that we don't have; myspace takes up time he doesn't have. And the stress of life has made romance sort of ... forgotten. He doesn't tell me how nice I look anymore; he doesn't tell me that I'm wonderful or that he feels lucky.

Is this normal? I mean, I know that the initial infatuation and passion often fades over time, but is this how it's supposed to be? If so, why? Why does passion seem to inevitably fade?

Now before you all get the wrong idea: Kieran and I are still very much in love. Kieran is an extremely wonderful and thoughtful boyfriend. He tries his hardest to spend time with me, despite his busy schedule. He's always sweet and kind when I'm upset, and he comes over when I'm sick. He makes me dinner. More often than not, he goes out of his way to make my life easier, even though his life is very busy and stressful. He has a lot of work to do; his car has been broken down for months; he doesn't have time to get a job so he has no money. Still, he does his best and usually shows me great affection and love. He gives me his coat when it's cold; he tells me when he appreciates things I do. As far as boyfriends go, he's definitely wonderful, understanding, and supportive.

So that isn't the problem. It's just those small little things that have one by one disappeared from our romance. Things that used to be an everyday occurance. We've discussed these things, naturally, but ... the fact of the matter is they haven't truly returned. I'll tell him about how I miss the romance, and he'll send me an IM telling me he loves me for a couple of days, but then it's forgotten again. It's no longer occuring naturally, like months ago when words like "You're wonderful" just came out of our mouths constantly, and we couldn't HELP but send each other texts.

I know we're both busy, but I think that small things like that wouldn't be completely cut out by time limitations. How long does it take to say, "You look beautiful today"?

The only thing I can think of is that it simply no longer occurs to him to say it. He simply is no longer driven by that intense passion to talk to me, to send me a love note, or to pick me a flower.

Is that normal? Does this always happen? I know I'm a very oversensitive person, so I may well just be upset over nothing. I know he loves me very much, and I love him, and that's what really matters. How does everyone else handle it? Is it more normal for guys to lose the passion before the females? I know females tend to show their emotions FAR more easily than men do.

I don't think it's anyone's fault, and I'm not upset at anyone. I just wish I understood why passion slowly trickles, never dying or fading completely, but just becoming much less intense than it originally was.

After months of searching for just the perfect bill-paying, Christmas-present-buying, fun-to-spend-the-holidays-working JOB... by luck, I found an awesome one!

I applied at Borders about two months ago.  They seemed excited about having me on board, but they dragged their feet about the hiring process for all seasonals, and I eventually gave up hope.  I was disappointed because I'd have loved to spent the holidays among the books, the customers, and the warm peppermint coffees.

Next I applied at EB Games and was hired--even though there really wasn't a position open.  I filled out paperwork, worked one short shift, and even though the pay was sad and the location -- Crabtree Mall -- would make it a painful commute during Christmas, I was excited!  EB Games.  Video games.  Hells yeah!

And yet, even after working a shift, I  never heard from them again.  The manager, who said he'd call me to let me know when I worked next, never called.  He said it could be as much as a week and a half, but now it's been longer.  I have a feeling that since I wasn't really NEEDED as an employee, but rather just offered a job *anyways* because the manager is very nice (and apparently knew me from Arnie's Place), and in the rush of the holiday season and all the new, legit hires coming on, that I was simply forgotten.

"But, Heather, why didn't you call them and find out what happened?"  I was waiting for the week to end let him call me like he said he would.   But in the meantime, I kept job-hunting.  And now that the week and a half is up, I will call.  But I have found another job, which is good for me, since it's an AWESOME job, and good for EBGames because they won't have to keep paying un-needed staff.

A place called Trader Joe's has opened right around the corner from my house.  I've never shopped in one, but after telling several friends, who have shopped in one, about my new job, they got very excited.  "A Trader Joe's around HERE?  That's awesome!  I hope they open more!  Trader Joe's is amazing!"

And so it is.  Trader Joe's is a grocery chain, specializing in selling specialty foods and organic foods at low rates.  They actually have employees who travel the world, tasting new foods and finding the best stuff to send to Trader Joe's.  It's amazing.

Trader Joe's is like the anti-business.  Most grocery chains sell whatever brands pay them the highest amount for the self space.  Trader Joe's works with private lables and farmers, so they can help the little guy, who produces the best-tasting stuff, and sell it for far less than big-brand names.

Plus, Trader Joe's hates 9-5 grinds and white-collar shirts.  Employees wear brightly colored Hawaiian shirts.  Employees sing and dance in the aisles --literally, I watched 10 managers erupt into Frank Sinatra karaoke.  Everyone is amazingly open and friendly, and one of Trader Joe's core values is that people who LOVE to come to work are more likely to draw in customers who LOVE shopping at Trader Joe's.

Trader Joe's even hires artists and cooks to come in and decorate their store or cook new dishes for customers to taste.  ALL the artwork and signwork in Trader Joe's is drawn and painted by their employees.

And I get a discount on all my groceries, VERY GOOD pay, a fun job, AND full insurance benefits even though I'm only part time. 

Trader Joe's hires new employees at a starting pay of $8-$12 per hour, gives you a discount on groceries, feeds you all kinds of free food, offers you a raise and room for advancement every 3 months, and offers full benefits to even part-time employees.  Plus they are upbeat and fun, and hire artists and cooks as well.  300 people applied for this job, and only 30-40 were hired.  As such, I highly suggest to all of you people currently working retail and wanting more money/insurance to apply at the next Trader Joe's.  I'm not sure when one will open next, but they are planning to put one in Raleigh. 

It's an amazing and fun place to work.  Right now everyone is training, but Trader Joe's will open in Cary right after Thanksgiving.  :) 

Hooray for awesome new jobs!

The country changed this week.  Republicans have had the majority for over ten years.  I grew up, even though I wasn't always aware of it, in a pretty Republican country.  I'm very interested to see how things will change now that Democrats have the House and the Senate, and now that Rumsfeld is gone.  

I don't know that much about the government and how it works.  I do know, however, that I don't like how Bush has been running things.  Although, to be fair, Clinton wasn't much better.  :(  Still, I'm hopeful.  I'm hopeful that things will become more liberal, with money used more for helping others than for building businesses, and that this stupid war will somehow get worked out.

It' s idealistic, I guess.  I don't really understand completely how everything works.  But I cast my vote, and I hope that things will get better.

Things have been changing in my life, too.  I found out that next semester I'll have my Associate in Liberal Arts.  No, it isn't a four-year degree, but it is a degree, and that's a good start.  With my GPA, I'll definitely be accepted to NCSU or anywhere else I may want to go.  I'll probably just go to State, but UNC and APP really are tempting.  Chapel Hill is such an interesting town, and APP is in the mountains, which is awesome.  But I love Kieran very much, and I don't want to go far away from him.  He'll be finishing two degrees in Spring.  22 years old, with a Bachelor's in Business and Accounting.  >_<;  Here I am 24 and I'll only have an associates.   

But still--it'll be a degree, and I'll be attending a four year college.  That's a big change.

But... then what?  Lately, I feel lost.  That's another big change:  Leaving ME-3.  I have no doubt that it was the right decision (and I don't think anyone disagrees) but now I'm left wondering what to do.  I still want to change the world, but how?  

I firmly, firmly believe that the world must be changed from the ground up.  I had a discussion with Arun the other night, and we talked about various methods of changing the world.  He, like Kieran, wants to change the world from the top.  He wants to have lots of money, and thus power, and use that power to change systems of government and initiate reform.  This method will make huge changes in our system.  It'll put food in people's mouths, help develop smaller countries, and truly benefit millions and millions of people.

But if those people are still focusing inwardly, rather than using their own personal energy to help the people around them with compassion, then the world will still have many, many problems that can't be solved merely by changing government.

As always, my dream is to help people become more outward focused, to think about the well-being of others and to stand up themselves and change the world, rather than merely have the world change around them.  I believe that if everyone becomes more compassionate and more fully understanding of their connection to their fellow man, then systems will naturally become less corrupt and the world will naturally get better.  

But, as I said, I know very little about government and how it all works.  This is just how I percieve it all, and I'm still learning.  

And without ME-3, I'm not sure where to direct my energy.  Build a new organization?  Write a book?  Go on my own good-deed road trips and publish articles about it?  Join an already existing organization that I like?  Something completely different that I've never thought of before???

I'm not sure.  But it's certainly a change.

I'm also very happy with Kieran.  We have our share of problems, but we love each other and that's very clear.  He's kind to me and compassionate to others.  I think together we will do  great things, as long as we don't let mundane, daily life drain us too much.  

Kieran has been a big change in my life also.  He's been a very healthy change.  I travel a lot more, which is awesome.  We take trips to the mountains, to the beach, sailing, climbing--lots of adventures!  But due to his influence, I also eat a much healthier diet.  It was a gradual change, but I slowly went from visiting his house and raiding his freezer for frozen dinners to truly enjoying the veggie and bean rich wheat pastas and veggie burgers (heavy on the veggies!)  Over time, they have become comfort food for me.  Eating an apple reminds me of happy times spent with Kieran, and now instead of eating ice cream when I feel sad, I eat fruit for comfort!  I've also given up meat all together.  There's not much of a moral reason behind it.  I've always considered eating animals to be pretty bad, and I've ALWAYS considered the meat industry cruel and terrible--however, I also saw no other alternatives.  I had no money to purchase meatless alternatives, and it was difficult for me to suss out which foods were truly meatless (soup, for example, often has meat broth, and gummy candies use gelatin, which is not vegetarian).  However, by dating Kieran I've learned a lot about healthy, inexpensive alternatives and I really enjoy them!  Plus, meat is filled with stress hormones and adrenaline, so it isn't good for my anxiety.

I've also given up caffeine all together and drink water instead.  :)  I eat tons and tons of fruits and veggies and the amazing thing is how WONDERFUL I feel.  I have so much more energy and I never take afternoon naps anymore.   My body feels vibrant and active.  I've been doing yoga also, and I've lost 10lbs and gained a world of health!

So, changes.  There have been a lot lately.  Some have been scary.  Some have been good.  I'm still not entirely sure which direction I'm heading, but there seem to be good things ahead.  :)

Things I haven't thought about in a while...

... but that used to be so important to me.  I used to believe my life couldn't be complete or happy unless I had these things happen in my lifetime.

-Finding another world, the one with the gateway that lies somewhere right around me, if only I'd look.

-Being a unicorn.  I am.  That's right.  I forgot.

-Having a crazy, romantic adventure with a tight-knit group of friends, through thick forests, filled with magic, to castles on top of mountains.  There'll be dragons, ogres, and all kinds of evil to battle. 

-Finding the rest of the unicorns. 

-Fairy-tale romance.  True love.  Not the kind of true love where I see the person everyday, play video games together, cook dinner, and go out in the evening--though that is very nice and cozy!--but the kind of true love where we both strive with all our combined passion to change the world and, in so doing, find our own limits (and limitlessness) and the true depth and power of our love.  I think after dating so much, I stopped feeling *wonder* towards love, and instead starting just assuming I knew what it was now. 

-To feel wonder at all of life in general.

-To express, write, create, and use those abilities to share knowledge and love.

-The knight/prince/hero always comes.  Always.  No matter what.  No room for doubt. 

-The princess/heroine/knight can't die or be terribly harmed no matter what because that would end the story.  Instead, if something bad happens to her, there's no need to worry because it's only happening so she can learn something and get stronger!  So why worry?

-Happily-ever-after is inevitable, as long as you never give up.

-All the magical, mystical things I used to live for.  I used to feel wonder and excitement.  Everything was a mystery for me to unlock.  Every challenge was just a chance for me to realize something great about life.  Everything that happened was filled with magic.  Lately, I think I know everything.  THIS is how you change the world.  THIS is definitely too difficult of a challenge.  There's no mystery or wonder; there's just black and white.

-Never, ever, ever, ever, under any circumstances ... grow up.  Grown ups can't see the fairies because they think they know everything. 

<table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'><tr><td><img src="http://images.quizfarm.com/1133420222Babylon5.jpg"></td><td> You scored as <b>Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)</b>. The universe is erupting into war and your government picks the wrong side.  How much worse could things get?  It doesnâ??t matter, because no matter what you have your friends and youâ??ll do the right thing.  In the end that will be all that matters.  Now if only the Psi Cops would leave you alone.<br><br><table border='0' width='300' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='94' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>94%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Moya (Farscape)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='88' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>88%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='75' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>75%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Enterprise D (Star Trek)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='75' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>75%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='75' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>75%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Serenity (Firefly)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='69' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>69%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='69' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>69%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='69' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>69%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>SG-1 (Stargate)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='63' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>63%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>FBI&#039;s X-Files Division (The X-Files)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='63' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>63%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='31' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>31%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='31' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>31%</font></td></tr></td></tr></table><br><a href='http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=111863'>Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)</a><br><font face='Arial' size='1'>created with <a href='http://quizfarm.com'>QuizFarm.com</a></font></table>

So I've published a couple of new articles, and I'd love you guys to check 'em out! One is about Human Trafficking in the U.S. (trying to raise awareness) and the other is an equally serious (sarcasm here) article about the Nintendo Wii (Revolution.) 

Nintendo Wii Article
 http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/54820/what_everyone_should_know_about_the.html


Human Trafficking Article:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/54318/americas_modern_day_slave_trade_human.html

^_^*  It feels good to write again.